The Purpose of Worry
First Listed January 4, 2012
Anxiety Busting Challenge ~ Day 4
Here we are at day 4 in the Anxiety Busting Challenge series. Today I am honored to share with you Heather Markel, also known as The Bullbuster. I met Heather at a coaching conference this past November and loved her energy and how she helps people ‘bust through their bull’. I just had to go introduce myself to her and I said, ‘Hi Bullbuster, I’m the Anxiety Buster, it’s nice to meet you.’
Then I told her I was creating this anxiety busting challenge series and she told me to email her about it and I did and wallah, here she is.
Heather shares a really valuable story and proverb with you and if you practice this, it will help relieve your anxiety tremendously. Enjoy!
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The Purpose of Worry by Heather Markel
I don’t think anyone can escape feeling anxiety at SOME points in their life, and I’m no exception!
Living in New York, the subway is a consistent source of anxiety! No matter how early you think you are and how much time you leave, you just cannot predict whether there will be a sick passenger that delays the entire subway system, or track work or repairs or crazy weather that bring it to a halt.
Anxiety Story
Recently, I had one of those anxiety-building days. I was so excited to finally have secured an appointment with a potential joint venture company downtown. I prepared everything in advance, got dressed hours before I needed to, and though the trip would be about 10 minutes on the subway, I left 45 minutes early, just to make sure to be there on time.
Well, just my luck, after the 1st stop, the subway decided to have signal issues, and we sat in-between stations. Tick tock, time passed, and my 35 minute buffer became 30 minutes, 15 minutes….and then minus time.
As I sat on the stuck subway, angry that I hadn’t left even earlier, fearing that my credibility would be ruined with this vendor, worried at how angry they would potentially be when I called, and a million other criticisms, I began to panic. My heart felt twisted, my stomach was in knots, and my mind was racing. And then, BOOM!, an empowering thought replaced the critical ones, and sucked the anxiety right out of me. This is my GOLDEN NUGGET to bust anxiety.
Golden Nugget
Some time ago, I meditated at a Buddhist center, and in my room was a wonderful proverb. In my memory, it was:
Worry
What purpose does it serve?
If you have a problem that can be fixed, then there is no need to worry, because you can fix it.
If you have a problem that you have no control over, then there is no point in worrying as you cannot change the outcome.
So, worry serves no purpose at all.
Once this thought came to me, I realized I had no control over the problem causing the subway to be stalled. This meant, whether I chose (yes, I believe we do CHOOSE our emotional and mental states) to worry, or whether I chose not to worry, the problem would still exist. I instantly calmed down, accepted my circumstances, and when I finally did get to the next station, still quite a distance from my appointment, I exited to street level and called my contact. She was very understanding, we rescheduled, and I freed myself from my anxiety!
Challenge
If you’re suffering from anxiety, try this tip. Whatever the object of your anxiety, ask yourself whether or not you have any control over the situation. If you do, then take action, and fix the problem. If you do not have control over the circumstances, then allow yourself to accept that your worry serves no purpose, other than to drive yourself nuts, and focus on something more constructive.
-Heather Markel, The BullBuster, www.bustyourbull.com
Have you ever worried yourself sick about something and it never happened? Like the proverb above asks, what purpose does it serve? Share your thoughts below.
Heather Markel, CPC, is head of the BullBuster Café where she leads people whose most vibrant, energetic and whacky parts have been shut down, to journey forth and find the freedom to open up those parts they’ve lost touch with. She helps them bust through the stories they’ve used as justification for where they’ve ended up in life, and to make the changes that will set them free. Heather works with individuals and groups and gets right to the heart of the problems clients face. Heather is a firm believer that if you set your mind to something, you can achieve it. (And, she loves cows.)
You can find more about Heather here: Bullbuster Cafe
daphne on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 10:15 am
yes, as someone who is easily prone to worry I particularly enjoyed the quote you shared. There really, truly, is no point to worry. And the sooner I can remember that, the sooner I can be truly free!
daphne recently posted..What the authors of “Intuitive Eating” will never tell you
Jt Clough | Big Island Dog on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 10:39 am
Solid advice and I have to admit, one I have to always work on. Even after practice it still befuddles me on how our minds can create all the bad things that could happen instead of focusing on all the good things that could happen.
For instance in this case you may be a few minutes late because destiny lead your future joint venture to take a phone call that opened doors up for your project to fit right in the scheme of things. Create vibrations like that instead of going to straight to bad credibility!
Mahalo for the golden nugget. Always a good one to use.
Jt Clough | Big Island Dog recently posted..Mahalo 2011 and Aloha 2012
Melissa Dinwiddie on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 12:01 pm
Yes! I’ve never been to a Buddhist center, but I’ve had many times in my life when circumstances beyond my control left me writhing with anxiety… which seeped away as soon as I reminded myself of the truth you so beautifully encapsulated above.
Do I always remember to do this? No. And does the knowledge that worry won’t help always totally *eliminate* my stress? No. But it *does* make an enormous difference!
Thanks for a very timely reminder.
Melissa Dinwiddie recently posted..3 Words and 12 Commitments for 2012
The BullBuster on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 12:33 pm
Hi Daphne – I’m so glad you found the quote useful. It really changed my life, for the better. When I get wrapped up in anxiety, I just say that quote in my mind, and I calm down, what a relief!
JT – awesome sharing, thank you! That’s what my whole “BullBusting” platform is based on – that our minds create stories, and we’re always focusing on the bad ones, when we have the wonderful power to focus on the good ones instead!
Hi Melissa – I completely resonate with what you said. Absolutely – that phrase usually doesn’t pop in the mind immediately, and no, it may not completely evaporate the anxiety, but wow, what miracles it does just to remind us that we have the power to let go of the anxiety when we are ready.
- Heather, The BullBuster
gina on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 12:47 pm
Thanks for such a great reminder Heather and for participating in this series
.
Daphne, Jt and Melissa…thanks for popping by and sharing….the ego is a tricky little bugger….it tries its best to let us not see the light….so the more ‘aware’ we can become, the less times the ego will take us over.
much love!
Ellie Di on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 1:34 pm
Yes! I absolutely believe that anxiety has lessons to teach us if we’re clever (and clear) enough to look that deeply. Thank you for the reminder!
Ellie Di recently posted..One Intention, No Resolutions
The BullBuster on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 2:08 pm
Hi Ellie Di! Thanks for your comment. We may not always like the lessons (lol!) but they still serve our greatest good.
The BullBuster recently posted..I Can’t Beat My Anxiety
Carrie on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 5:02 pm
This is such a great reminder Heather that we have this false sense of control over the events that unfold in our lives. The proverb is a gentle reminder to come back to the present moment. Thank you for sharing!!
Carrie recently posted..Defining Your Path for 2012
Marla on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 6:05 pm
Thanks Heather and Gina! I can so deeply to relate to this, as I am an NYC girl too and know very well the yuckiness of subway anxiety. I love when you say that you accepted your circumstances and then the anxiety lifted. Sometimes it takes me longer than I’d like to get there, but once that surrender comes I always feel my worry dissipate too.
Marla recently posted..Miso Honey Glazed Fish
Heather Markel on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 7:20 pm
Hi Carrie. I’m so glad you found the tip useful!
Heather Markel on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 8:20 pm
Hi Marla. Oy don’t even get me started on subway anxiety! I have a really crazy subway experience at http://thebullbustercafe.com/im-a-victim/
But I’ll tell you, if you want a good place to test your anxiety busting skills, you can’t do better than the NYC subway!
Heather Markel recently posted..I Can’t Beat My Anxiety
gina on Wed, 4th Jan 2012 8:32 pm
Hi Ellie….oh, I’ve been learning lots and lots from my anxiety over the past 17 years
…like you said, being clear, and aware, helps to learn these lessons.
Hey Carrie…oh the lack of control thing….a perfect state of mind for anxiety! so glad you liked Heather’s story.
Hola Marla! that’s right, you are a city girl…we could meet up one day! glad you could relate to Heather’s post too.
Thanks all for popping on by and sharing!
gina recently posted..The Purpose of Worry
Petrea on Thu, 5th Jan 2012 8:45 am
I have used this before too and have found it very helpful. Sometimes I forget and get pulled into my worry. Once I realize that it just makes matters worse and often clouds my judgement blocking any potential solutions then I let go of the worry.
Love your example as it really brings the importance of this to light.
Petrea recently posted..The Space Between the Jump
gina on Thu, 5th Jan 2012 11:14 am
hola Petrea…..it’s happened to me too…we add more worry on top of our worry and wallah…we have more suffering…..I think I’ll put worry to rest for a while
.
Thanks for popping by and sharing!
Heather Markel on Thu, 5th Jan 2012 12:06 pm
Hi Petrea! (Cool name, by the way.) That’s so true for me, too. I think it’s very common to first react to what’s happening – that reaction is often in the form of anxiety, and boy does it have a powerful pull. I have learned to use that awful “pulling” sensation as a trigger to bring me back to this beautiful mantra, and it clears some of those clouds.
Glad you found the example helpful.
Heather