This past December I found out that the auto-immune issue I have, grave’s dis-ease, is active again.

One part of me felt relieved. I felt relieved because now I understood why I was feeling like crap. I thought maybe the lymes had returned, but when those tests came back negative, I had an idea that the other issue was back. So I went to the doctor, had the test done, and my suspicions were confirmed….it was back.

I soon got passed the ‘I’m relieved’ attitude to the ‘I can’t believe it’ attitude. ‘Oh boy, here we go again’, I thought…..’I thought I had this thing kicked’.

Then I got on the beta-blockers and felt a lot better because they helped tone down my symptoms – even though I know that the underlying cause is still there. Then I slowing started putting a little weight on – that’s what can happen when you take beta blockers because they slow down your metabolism.

‘Great’ I thought again…’now I not only have this issue again, but it’s putting weight on me’…..and little by little the victim voice would come into my head.

This went on for a good month….I not only felt like shit from my health issue, but my thoughts were doing just as much damage. And my actions were starting to mimic my thoughts:

- I went to bed late
- I got up late
- I slacked on my gluten-free diet
- I slacked on exercising
- I slacked on meditating
- I slacked on my morning rituals

Then I broke my toe……’Oh great, now let’s just add more pain onto the situation, oh well, guess I won’t be working out for a while longer.’

As the saying goes:  “Be careful what you wish for.”

Well, I didn’t get the message from the Universe through the health issue, so it had to try harder…..and boy did this next try hurt….my toe still hurts and it’s been almost 2 months!

So I stopped and looked at what I was doing daily and how that was reflected in my life. I’ve been doing awareness practice for years, but slacking on it for even just that month has taught me a great deal.

The main teaching:
The thoughts you think and the actions you take daily form your life.

I’ve come to see that this is so very true. I knew it already, but I guess I needed to test it.

So I’m back on track. Luckily it didn’t take me that long to figure it out……again I contribute that to my awareness practice.

I also re-learned another lesson………..stuff happens, challenges happen, life happens………..and it’s all in how you respond that determines the outcome. And this is such a key lesson for me. And such an important one. I truly want to approach life challenges with awareness, with an open heart, and with compassion. That includes death. I want to be ok with dying. I don’t want to resist it, act like a victim, and not be able to let go.

When it’s time to let go……….I want to release with ease………….

But for now, since I’m not quite dead yet, lol, I’m choosing to practice, every day, what I want to have in my life.

I want to have peace, compassion, kindness, fortitude, happiness and freedom in my life, so that’s what I’m going to practice.

And you know what’s really funny, I have a quote on my website that I love and the quote is:

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

And the day I decided to start getting back on track and aiming to be the best ME I can be, even when it’s tough, this quote popped into my inbox.

Coincidence? I think not!

What do you want to have in your life? How will you practice that each day?

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

gina

Have you ever stared at your computer with no clue what to do next?

I’ve been doing that now for a while. Why don’t I just look at my planner? Or my stickies on my desktop? They usually can tell me what it is I need to do next.

I guess sometimes I’m just too dang tired.

Have you ever felt like this? What’s your remedy for this kind of thingy?

After I’ve listened to the voice in my head telling me the ‘shoulds’, ‘need to’s, and ‘have to’s', I usually go outside to take a breath or two. Or go and pet Roxy. Those two things usually get me back into the present moment. Because by listening to that voice in my head, I definitely was not present with my Self. I was imprisoned by the chatter box that hijacked my attention once again.

That damn chatterbox.

But then I remember something about that chatterbox…….that it’s another component of my insides that has a job…….and that job is ‘to think’. I wouldn’t ask my heart to stop beating, which is one of its primary jobs, so why would I ask my mind to stop thinking?

Wow, I feel so much better now…….I remember and I smile. And you know what the best thing is about remembering this?

It’s that I realize I don’t have to listen to it anymore and I don’t have to believe everything it says!

Phew……..that sure does take a load off!

And it’s our thoughts that are the catalyst for the emotions that we feel in our body…….including anxiety.

But once you realize the primary job of your brain, then you can stress less. You can finally be aware that your mind thinks and that you don’t have to take its word as truth anymore. Doesn’t that sound like a great remedy! What great medicine it is to know that you not only don’t have to believe your thoughts anymore, but that you ARE NOT your thoughts either!

Now that I’ve written this post……not knowing where it would end up……..I’m so glad I did because it deepened that realization I had a long time ago that I am not my mind, nor my thoughts.

And I still may not have a clue what I’m going to do next, but I now know that there is the possibility that there is nothing to do right now but just BE. And it’s funny how when I decide to just BE, how the mind quiets down automatically……..but don’t worry, it will be back to its ranting and raving again. And why wouldn’t it……that’s its job…………

Can you relate to this? Have you ever become aware of the mind chatter that goes on without you even realizing it?

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

gina

When I think of ‘my most beautiful thing‘, a bunch of words come through my mind – roxy, family, acceptance, birds, sunshine, trees, flowers, sunsets, sunrises – and I realized that all these things comprise, what for me, is ‘Life’. So below are some pictures that I have taken of what I consider some of my most beautiful things in life. Enjoy!

Is it your one year old niece’s golden smile? The pale pink peony buds in your garden? A silver ring given to you by your grandmother? Your shiny red Vespa scooter? Is your most beautiful thing a place or a moment? Is it a philosophy or a value?

On Tuesday the 24th of April, I’m taking part in a Blogsplash to celebrate beautiful things, inspired by Fiona Robyn’s new novel, ‘The Most Beautiful Thing’.

People all over the world will be blogging, tweeting & writing about their own most beautiful thing.

You could post a photo or write a prose piece about your most beautiful thing. You could write a small stone or show us a piece of artwork you’ve made in honor of your most beautiful thing. It’s completely up to you. You could be extravagant and post a whole series of your most beautiful things.

Writing Our Way Home are making a directory of everyone who’s taking part, and they will also re-post their favorite entries on their blog over the following month.

If you’d like to join me, email fiona@writingourwayhome.com for more details.

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

gina

Have you ever said to yourself, “If I only had a little more time”?

What if you could discover a little extra time in your day?

Would you like to learn new, creative ways to do so? Me too!

That’s why I’m reading the book and participating in the blog tour for Artella founder Marney Makridakis’ new book Creating Time: Using Creativity to Reinvent the Clock and Reclaim Your Life! 

Feeling like you have no time for yourself or to get anything done can be quite anxiety inducing! Learn how to creatively create more time which also allows you to feel less anxious and overwhelmed.

Today I have for you a Q&A style post so you can find out more about what creating time means to Marney and to learn more about her book. Her book trailer is below too for you to check out. Enjoy!

Why did you write Creating Time?

Like most people, time has been a big challenge for me throughout my adult life, but it escalated to an extreme after I gave birth to my first child in 2008, and struggled in vain to find the time to “do it all”. I devoured every time management book I could get my hands on, but still found myself exhaustively chasing time. I finally put myself on mission to find a new solution, and began to explore ways that I could apply my best resource (imagination) to my biggest problem (time). I passionately researched and experimented with imagining, viewing, and experiencing time in new ways, and at last, felt time expand and change at my design. I created an online course to help others do the same and saw that other people had success with these techniques as well. After that, I finally felt able to sit down and write a longer work that developed these ideas much more fully. Creating Time is for people who feel like they don’t have enough time to live the kinds of lives they want to live. I want everyone to know: when we don’t have time, we have to create it, and the incredible news is that we can do so using one of the greatest resources ever to exist on our planet: human creativity.

It seems like time is going by faster than ever these days. Why do you think that is and what can we do about it?

As I researched the different elements that seem to affect our perception of the flow of time, I pinpointed several key factors, one of the most significant being the difference between focused and scattered time. When we are focused on just one thing, time seems to move more slowly; on the other hand, when our focus is scattered, time seems to move more quickly. These sensations seem to be true whether we’re talking about hours, days, months, or years. At this point in our planet’s social evolution, we are constantly taking in much more information than ever before on an internal level, constantly being stimulated with new thoughts, feelings and ideas. At the same time, we are being asked to multi-task on the external level, as more and more demands are made on our daily productivity. The result is a near-constant state of extreme scattered focus, which in turn makes time feel like it is moving very quickly. On the one hand, multi-tasking may make us feel more productive, that satisfying feeling is typically rather fleeting, as the very act of multi-tasking makes us feel like we have even less time, as our dispersed focus plays tricks on our perception. The solution lies in a blissful state of being less aware of time itself but more aware of the present moment. Connecting right here to this moment and focusing on one single thing, as if we had all the time in the world, makes time slow down and give us all that we need.

What does “Creating Time” mean?

To me, it means that there is amazing power held by each of us to imagine, create, and completely reshape the way we experience time. For too long we have been servants of time when in fact, time that can and should serve us. We can finally drop all the archaic view and limitations of time that have held us back from fully embracing the wild beautiful truth: time is not a defined line; it is instead a vibrant, completely moldable, layered, multi-faceted work of art that is in your hands to create and design, each and every day.

How is your book different from a typical “time management” book?

Time-management books, as well as the latest time-tracking and productivity aids, can certainly be of help to us on the practical level, but they are limited in their long-term effectiveness, since the true nature of time extends beyond the chronological hours displayed in our calendars, wristwatches and smart phones. I really wanted to dive into the psychological, philosophical and emotional aspects of time, to help readers come away with a liberating new view of self and a fresh perspective on the meaning of being human, empowered, and fully alive. So while the book is definitely filled with practical, hands-on tips for creating more time in your day, it’s also about finding a new way to experience time in its entirety, your full time on this earth…shifting our focus away from how we spend time to instead reveling in what we receive from our time. And, besides, most time management books won’t guide you to make collages and design offbeat new clocks and creative time-pieces! While intensely practical, I also wanted the 14 time shifting projects in this book to be a lot of fun and inspire a sense of playful abandon and freedom.

Professionally, you work primarily with artists, writers and creative individuals. Does someone have to think of him/herself as “creative” to benefit from your teachings?

Absolutely not! The conclusion of each chapter presents an “ARTsignment,” which is an art project designed to activate and expand self-awareness and transformation. ARTsignments, which are at the core of my ARTbundance approach of self-discovery through creativity, offer a powerfully effective way to internalize and absorb a process and truly take it in. I’ve discovered that engaging our minds, imaginations, and bodies through physically creating art catalyzes an unmistakable transition from simply reading a concept to absorbing and becoming it, and this is true for anyone, not just people who think they are creative or artistic. Through the creative projects in this book, absolutely anyone can enjoy the adventure of being transported through creativity, and this has very large and valuable implications regarding time “traveling” and time creation. Each ARTsignment combines a step-by-step introspective process; interactive journal questions; and a unique, hands-on art project that pulls you directly into the full dimensions of time, extending the breadth of its meaning and experience. You don’t need to be an “artist” to tap into the transformative power of creativity! In these projects, the emphasis is completely on the process rather than the product, and their transformation power holds true whether you are sketching stick figures on a paper napkin, making a collage of magazine cutouts, painting on a canvas, or creating an elaborate mixed media sculpture.

What are the main challenges with time that you’ve identified, and how does this book address them?

To personalize the reader’s process, Creating Time contains a “Time Diagnosis Chart” which identifies 14 of the most popular time complaints, and recommends which of the book’s tools are most effective in addressing them. I find it interesting that, while everyone’s specific time complaints are unique, they usually boil down to one very primal theme: I don’t have enough time to live the life I want to live. For most people, time is the biggest challenge in fulfilling their potential. Whatever improvements or changes we want to make in our lives, it often seems to go back to the topic of time; we need time to exercise and eat right, time to establish and strengthen relationships, time to pursue a meaningful hobby, time to follow a dream. Our perceived lack of, and limitations on, time affect all areas of our lives, especially our hopes and dreams. Time is the ultimate scapegoat when things aren’t going our way. But this book shows that time is also is the ultimate resource when we can tap into its expansiveness and partner with it in new ways.

How did you incorporate science into your book? What does science have to do with “creating time”?

From Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, to the modern quantum physics notion that the observer has an effect on the observed, to the scientific breakdown of how light reflection works…these are just a few examples of scientific studies that found their way into the book as foundations of the idea that we can, indeed, create our own experience of time. I even conducted a few creative time experiments of my own, and the book invite readers to try out the experiments for themselves, in addition to reviewing the data gathered. Art and science are the two pillars on which Creating Time is built. To use a metaphor of a clock, I see the art component in this book as being the face of the clock, helping us see what new time can look like. Science is like the clock pendulum, drawing us back to the earth, rhythmically keeping us connected to life’s mysteries.

Explain the concepts of kronos and kairos and their relationship to “creating time”.

The Greeks have two words for time: kronos (sequential, linear time; from this we get the English word, “chronology”) and kairos (non-linear, numinous time that is not measured or bound). These terms provide a helpful starting point for expanding our sense of time. Simply asking ourselves questions like, “Am I in kronos or kairos right now?” and “What might happen if I switched into the other state of time in this moment? What new ideas or insights does that bring to light?” is an easy, yet powerful way to start partnering with time in a new way.

What do you most hope that readers take away from this book?

I hope that readers will come away with a new sense of a time, as well as practical tools to put this new approach into action, both in their day-to-day lives and into their fuller spectrum of meaning and purpose in life. When we are not slaves to time, when we are not chasing time and wishing time was different, we finally set our souls free to live the lives we’re meant to life. We enter into a new realm of possibility, partnering with time to create a life filled with awareness and fullness, instead of an inherent sense of lack, worry and dread. Believe it or not, time is in your hands, and you can mold, craft, and create time to be just about anything you would like it to be.

Thanks Marney! I’m so happy to be a part of your book blog tour and to spread the word about your inspiring, full of life book!

Check out the video trailer below for her book and click HERE to check out the book and learn more about the limited-time bonuses you’ll receive when you purchase it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marney K. Makridakis is the author of Creating Time. She founded the Artella online community for creators of all kinds and the print magazine Artella. A popular speaker and workshop leader, she created the ARTbundance approach of self-discovery through art. She lives in Dallas, Texas. Visit her online at http://www.artellaland.com.

This post is a part of Teen Week: Words That Heal, at Medicinal Marzipan. It’s an annual blog series that occurs the last week of March, where bloggers use their sites to speak out about their experiences with body image, sexuality, and self-esteem during their teen years. I’m super excited and honored to be a part of this wonderful event that Mara puts together. enjoy!

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I took my position out on the floor…..quiet, still, waiting. The spotlights came on, the music hit my ears and my body began to move. I knew at that moment I wasn’t dancing for anybody else. I was dancing for me.

Starting at age 9 all the way through age 18, I played sports. And I was pretty darn good too. But an urge in high school would have me decide not to play softball my senior year. To this day when I think about this story, I still can’t believe I did it.

You see, I’ll let you in on a little secret about me; when I was younger, I hated letting people down. I still don’t like to let people down today, but I also see it in a different way now. In high school, as a teenager, that was a huge piece of my character; not wanting to let anybody down. And that piece of me decided lots of things based on other peoples’ feelings and opinions. I mean, I do understand that sometimes you do things for people out of respect and out of love. But when anything turns ‘chronic’, it can feel like a heavy boulder on your shoulder. And it felt like that for me many times as a teen, until that one decision I made on a winter day in 1985.

Everyone always assumed I’d just keep playing sports, especially my dad. I loved my dad to death, but he was one of the main people in my life that I truly did not want to let down.

“How am I going to tell him? What will he say? I know he’s not going to like this. I don’t want to hurt him.”

Another person who I believe assumed that I would be playing softball my senior year was the softball coach, as well as a lot of my teammates and friends.

How could I let them all down? I was most likely going to be one of the starting pitchers. And when I didn’t pitch, I’d still be playing in the infield. How can I let them all down…my dad, my coach, my teammates…..especially when we lost so many great players who graduated the year before? I don’t want to let them down………..

But you know who I’d really be letting down if I didn’t follow through with that urge I had that year? Myself.

I wanted to dance!

Every May I watched the yearly dance show at my high school. It was a big event at my school and it was awesome! And every year I didn’t join because it took place the same time as softball. Well, senior year something came over me. I don’t know what, but somehow I got the courage to choose what I wanted to do……..and I chose to dance!

You were pretty much guaranteed to be in one dance. And by choosing to join my senior year, being in that one dance meant I’d have to dance with freshman girls. But you know what, I didn’t care. That was no big deal to me. I made some great new friends and had a blast at the same time.

Then it came time to try out for other dances. Yikes, my first year, how could I try out for any more? What if I didn’t make them?

A good friend of mine in high school was a part of the dance show every year. And she would be doing a solo dance as a senior…..how cool is that (and she was really awesome too)! She encouraged me to try out for more dances. She gave me some tips…….I remember she said to ‘make every move big……really exaggerate every move!’ And I did. And I was chosen for every dance I tried out for………….so that meant I was in 5 dances (including the opening number)! Woohoo! Life was good. And I even went on to try out and make the dance team in college. In my heart, I knew I made the right choice to follow my heart that one winter day, senior year. That choice made my self-esteem soar!

Today, now that I’m a lot older (and a little wiser, lol), I can see the urge of ‘not wanting to let people down’ with a new perspective. I see that ‘choosing me’ is not a selfish thing at all. We all have a right to choose what makes us happy. If someone feels let down, then that’s something they need to look within and do some self-discovery as to why another’s decision affects them that way. And by choosing what makes you happy, you affect others in a positive way. Those people who may have been upset at first for you choosing something, may see the joy and aliveness that radiates through you and may decide they want the same for themselves.

Choose you. Choose what makes you happy and watch the magic begin.

Have you ever wanted to do something, something that makes your heart sing and lights you up, but were fearful of letting someone else down? What did you choose to do?

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

Gina

I was at the park today walking through some paths with my niece and for some reason I looked up. And when I did I saw a hawk soaring through the sky. (watch closely and you can see him in the video)

Hawk came to visit me a few months ago, and here he is again, bringing me yet another message.

And the message I got his time is to keep moving forward on the path of my creative life purpose.

Hawk Medicine helps us to use our creative energies and awakens our vision.

And I also just realized that I took a couple pics of a couple gorgeous paths my niece and I saw today………no coincidence there!

What animal has come to visit you? What message does it have for you?

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

gina

Just the other day I walked into my townhouse from the backyard and my husband called my name and said to come back outside – you’ll be happy you did.

And he was right!

He showed me this little flower blooming beyond the fence. This gorgeous purple creature was sprouting among all the dead leaves that were blown out the fence from the Fall.

It made me smile big .

So next time you walk around outside, keep your eyes open so you don’t miss the beauty around you.

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

gina

My heart was pounding and I was hot and my hands were sweating.

I jumped out of my bed and wanted to run……..run away from the pain I was feeling……..but everywhere I ran to, I was still there……..experiencing a panic attack.

I tried to talk myself out of having the attack…………that everything was alright…….that it was all in my head.

‘I can’t believe this is happening…Again! Be strong Gina, come on, don’t let this anxiety take you over and control you………you can control IT…….try your best to fight it……don’t let it take you over, don’t let it take you over, don’t let it take you over and control you…….fight…..fight….fight!’

But the problem was that it had already taken me over…….again and again and again.

And every time I pushed myself to fight it, it would come on that much stronger, again and again and again.

The story above depicted what every middle of the night was like for me in the first few years of experiencing anxiety and panic attacks.

Looking back, in one sense it seems like such a long time ago………like another life time ago……..and in another it seems like it was just yesterday, as I can remember quite clearly what it’s like to experience an anxiety attack. I still experience some anxious moments, but I haven’t experienced a full blown anxiety attack in a very long time.

Fighting against anxiety never works – it only makes you suffer more.

When we fight against something, we can also say we are resisting it. And any time you resist what is occurring in the moment, you’re guaranteed to suffer – every single time. Although that suffering can come in the form of various emotions including anxiety, sadness, anger, resentment, overwhelm, frustration, etc., those emotions all cause us to experience pain.

The key to diffusing an anxiety attack is to allow it to happen. Yep, you heard me right. Allow yourself to experience the feelings that show up during an anxiety attack.

You may think that that’s a crazy thing to say to do, and if you have any doubts about it, I invite you to notice something next time you have an anxiety attack.

Notice how when you fight or try to distract yourself from feeling the feelings that are showing up, those feelings intensify.

Next, after you’ve noticed that you fought the feelings and they intensified, allow the feelings to be there. Put all your attention on the sensations in your body for a few moments without labeling what they are….just feel them. Then notice what happens.

Anxiety is an energy and many times that energy shows up when something happens that reminds you of a past hurt or of something that’s going on currently in your life that you are resisting.

That energy surfaces as emotions and sensations from an experience where you did not integrate the feelings that surfaced at that time – instead you pushed them away and ignored them.

Until you do integrate them, those emotions will show up again and again as they are referencing something that needs your attention. And know that it may take quite a few times of integrating the same emotion for it to heal.

Once you do learn to integrate and diffuse those emotions, you will come to understand what a gift anxiety has been for you.

It becomes a loyal friend that will never let you down.

It will let you know any time that there is something within you that needs to be healed.

So next time, allow the anxiety attack to happen……….don’t resist it……..and come back here and let me know how what happened.

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

gina

***Integrating emotions can be quite an intense experience if you have never tried it before. Contact a qualified person to help you if you have never tried integrating your emotions.

image by snow0810 via flickr

as I looked in the salon mirror today.

I’m looking a little older,

looking more like my mom,

which I don’t mind,

but sometimes the deep wrinkles I see forming

can bother me a bit,

but just for a second,

as I know I’m not those wrinkles,

I’m actually so much more.

As I ponder getting older,

hitting ages of 45, 50, 60 (if I’m lucky),

I wonder how I’ll be.

I still sense a young being inside,

and I think she will probably be with me,

even in those older ages.

Actually I know she’ll be with me.

She’s my Higher Self,

the Self that has no age,

is ageless in fact.

She’s the peace and wisdom

that guides me through each day.

And I think, well, as long as she’s

there, I’ll be ok.

And when I do go and leave this plane,

I know I’ll see her again, in a different space,

as she never leaves………….

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So that’s what I learned this week as I pondered my week-end reflection from Art Therapist. That no matter what age I am, there’s a light within me that can shine, no matter what.

And that’s a pretty good feeling to have.

inhale ~ enjoy ~ exhale,

Gina

image by h.koppdelaney via flickr