A Visitor in my Dream…..and Another Lesson……..

I had a dream last night. I was over my good friends place. It was a different place, an apartment, and she was very sad. I knew where this sadness was coming from. She and her husband recently had to put her dog to sleep.

I went outside for a walk and heard a bark. I looked up and I saw her dog. She was laying in the same type of bay window where she always used to lay and look outside. I was so happy to see her. I shouted hello to her and then shortly after that, I woke up.

I laid in bed, thinking about my friends – thinking about how hard it’s been for them losing their first dog they shared together. I thought of how it must have been for them the day they brought her to the vet. I’ve been through it and know.

Then the feelings came pouring through. I was brought back to that day that my husband and I had to make that decision with our first dog, Weezy.

Did we do the right thing? Was it the right time? Did we make that decision too soon?

Flash forward to that day at the vets. My regular vet was hours away at his daughter’s wedding so we were at a different vet’s office, with a vet who was a stranger, in a strange room.

In that room we made the decision that is was time. As soon as we made it, Weezy stood up like she knew. It seemed as if she was saying, ‘get me out of here!’ My heart went up into my throat and tears could not stop streaming down. Then my husband grabbed her and gently pulled her into his lap. She struggled for a few seconds and then she totally relaxed and was calm as he stroked her head and said all is ok.

She surrendered…………..

Not in the giving up way, but in the way of acceptance.………of accepting what is and she seemed totally at peace. She also knew it was time.

I just realized this morning after more than 5 years, I am still receiving lessons from this dog…………so amazing………they are such great teachers.

But as I laid in bed, I still felt the emptiness in the center of my chest, the tightness and the gushing feelings of not knowing if I did the right thing. So I put all my attention into my body in this area. I felt this emptiness and just let it be. I did this until the feeling expanded out and did not have hold of me anymore.

I miss you, Weezy. A part of you will always be with me in my heart.

I guess I still had feelings left over from this event that had to be integrated………………or maybe I just needed one last good cry……………

Gina

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